lusciousxander: (grabby hands by Moscow_Watcher)
[personal profile] lusciousxander
Fic: Teenage Dirtbag
Author: [ profile] lusciousxander
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: PG 13
Setting: Starts during Lover’s Walk, S3. Spike's POV throughout.
Summary: Halfrek gives Spike the curse that will change his entire life.
Note: This fic is written for the Reviving Spander Ficathon.

Super thanks to [ profile] devo79 for being my awesome beta.

Previous Chapters

Part 18

Made by Tickyboxes

The air is drenched with excitement because Manchester United are playing Chelsea tonight.

It’s FA Cup replay match! Rupert displays his enthusiasm with two stacks of beer.

“Beer?” I stare at the couple of six-packs and then at the man rushing back to the living room with a plate of hot dog sandwiches.

“This one does call for extreme measures.” Rupert parks his bum on the couch and wipes the mustard off of his United shirt. “Last match was an utter disappointment.”

United drew a sodding nil-nil with Chelsea in the FA Cup quarter-final at Old Trafford. “Too bad about Dennis Viollet.” Last game kicked off just hours after the man’s death was announced. Cancer is a bitch.

“The news of his death couldn’t have come at a worse time,” he mutters dryly. Off my look, he quickly amends, “May his soul rest in peace.”

“He was a real corker.” His finest match was broadcast on the telly back in the fifties. Dru and I had fed on a rich family who owned a television set the night before the match. We spent the entire day cheering Man U. Viollet had scored four goals there, and Dru insisted on meeting him. I didn’t want that to happen because I knew she was going to suck him dry. We ended up meeting the man and his family in the early nineties.

“His daughter Rachel was a right little sort,” I muse with a nostalgic air.

“What?” Rupert frowns at me, raising the volume up for the lineup.

“Tennis player. She’s a fine tennis player.” He’s still looks at a loss. “I need the loo.”

In the bathroom, I’m stopped in my tracks by the sight of Xander smearing his hair with gel. The dipstick is using my hair gel, though to be fair, it’s the only one in the flat. Laughter explodes out of my mouth, eying his pathetic Clark Gable hairdo.

He plants his hands on his hips, pursing his lips in irritation. “So I take it, you don’t like it.”

“Frankly, my dear, you look like an arsehole” – I wipe the tears off my eyes – “What in sodding hell are you doing?”

“Not sticking around during “footy” time. Learned that lesson.” He starts washing his hands, having a gander at his slick hair, not sure why it evoked laughter. “Just thought I’d look cool cruising for chicks at the Bronze tonight.”

“Not with your hair looking like it hasn’t been washed.” I open the tub and scowl at what’s left inside. “Here’s a tip; don’t use it all at once.” I eye his helmet head critically. “Let’s see if I can salvage this mess.”

I pull him down a bit and run my fingers through the thick locks of gel. It isn’t dry yet. He parted his hair right above the temple – that has got to go.

Xander heaves a disenchanted sigh. “When did you start being so suave? I was the cool one before, you know.”

I grab a comb and start fixing what can be fixed. “Harris, a cool bloke doesn’t call himself cool.”

“C’mon, I’m taller,” – he points at his bending knees – “My face was always acne-free. And between us both, I’m the lady killer. Hence, cool one.”

I resume combing his greasy hair back. “Lady killer?”

“I got Cordelia. Who did you get?”

“Let’s clear up one thing here; if I wasn’t bent as a nine-bob note, every bird on campus and their mother would be worshipping the ground I walk on.”

“Right.” He grabs the sink to steady himself. “I bet you could never get Buffy to notice you.”

“Please, she’d be the first one in line.”

“In your dreams.”

“There.” I take a step back and nod at a mess well saved. “Go knock them dead, tiger.”

“You too.” He grins at his reflection in the mirror. “Chuck up that beer, clap and yell, “Hut, Hut, Hike!””

I stare at him. “Never talk sports, Xander.”

He grins sheepishly. “That was something Dad used to say. Guess it doesn’t work with soccer.”

“Football,” I correct determinedly.

“Yeah, whatever.”


My spirits are high and I’m bloody chuffed. Man U won the match! We’re celebrating in the Bronze, or at least I am. Those bleeding Scoobies couldn’t care less.

The Bronze is packed because a ‘hot band’ as Buffy puts it is playing tonight. Children getting their swerve on the dance floor, moving with the beat, all hot and heavy. Willow and Oz march up to our table with heavy breaths after what seems to be an hour of dancing.

“Watch out you two,” Buffy comments at the couple trying to catch their breaths, “One more dance and the Bronze will be bursting into flames.”

“Think we’ve exhausted our fun dosage for tonight.” Willow looks at us in confusion. “Why aren’t you guys boogying?”

“I’m waiting for Angel.” Buffy leans forwards to take a sip from her fizzy drink. “He said he’ll be here.”

Willow attempts to smirk, but it comes out like a quirked beam. “You and Angel are getting steamy again?”

Buffy shakes her head in alarm. “No. No steamy-ness in the works. We’re keeping things on the innocent side.” A dopey grin takes over her face. “He’s taking me to see a movie tomorrow night.”

Willow returns her grin with a bigger one. Xander and I share an unamused look. Oz just looks.

“Hey, you ditched the Nazi hair?” Cordelia approaches our table, looking more glamorous than usual. Willow can take tips from that glossy smirk.

“And I see you’ve out-whored yourself tonight.” Xander looks her up and down in disdain. Her dress is snuggly but not a bit revealing.

She rolls her eyes. “Gee, your creativity doesn’t exceed the whore jokes. A guy with your IQ should have a low voice, too.”

“Guess you haven’t heard, but I did get into a college.” He straightens up in his seat, all smug and important. “A very fine one at that.”

Everyone turns their attention back to Cordelia. The endless battle of wits between these two is our main source of amusement.

“That’s super.” Cordelia’s eyes widen with anything but impressed. “Hope it was on a scholarship ‘cause your mom’s cashier job won’t cover the expenses.”

Xander stares at her, trying to think up a comeback but taking too long. She gives a victory nod and struts away. He sits back with a sigh. “Man, why can’t she leave me alone?”

“Because you were an unfaithful two-timing pillock,” I provide helpfully. Buffy stifles her giggles.

“Yeah, but that was months ago.” He indicates at the snogging love birds at our table. “Oz isn’t throwing cheap shots at Willow.”

“Here’s a wild idea; why don’t you apologize?” Xander scoffs. “Maybe she’ll stop pulling your plonker.” He chooses to gulp his Coke. I look at Buffy, and she shakes her head.

The band starts playing a new song; a ballad this time. High schoolers interlock and sway to the slow rhythm. I spot Willow casting mooneyes at Wolf Boy. He takes her hand and helps her up to her feet.

She stops in her place, eyes on the dance floor. “Oh, guys, check out Larry.”

Clad in head to toe black, Larry is resting his head on another boy’s shoulder. They dip within the beat, bodies moving leisurely against each other.

“His date looks steamy.” Buffy acknowledges in approval.

Willow glances at me with worry. I reassure her with a swift smile.

“Oh, my steamy date is here.” Buffy leaves her seat and heads for the Bronze entrance where Angel stands like a fish out of water.

Willow and Oz have already joined the twirling couples when I notice Xander staring at something on the floor. The glistening blade of a pocket knife under the empty table next to ours. It captures the boy’s penetrating gaze and enthralls him.

Breath caught in my throat, I feel the club settling into immobility and silence. Everything ceases to exist and sounds blur into a constant din.

He gets up. He walks towards it. I hear nothing but my heartbeat drumming in my ears. Don’t put it in your pocket. Don’t put it in your pocket. Rupert had just complimented him this morning. He told me I was right; that Xander didn’t need professional help.

The boy kneels to draw the knife from under the table. Don’t put it in your pocket. Don’t put it in your pocket.

He stares at it, his thumb as if feeling the sharp edge of the blade, and I’m about to do my nut.

“Has anyone lost a pocket knife?” Xander holds it up, eyes search about the club for the owner. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. Good boy.

“Thanks, man, that’s mine.” Larry’s lean and charming date runs up to Xander. Buffy’s right. He does look steamy with his sandy blonde mop of hair and ocean blue eyes. If you go for that kind of Nancy.

Larry approaches with a shy shuffle. “Hey, Xander.”

“Hey, man.”

He looks between me and Harris. “I didn’t see you on the dance floor.”

“I’m not in the mood for a solo-groove, which I’m very famous for. Just need to find a hot babe who’ll agree to shake booties all night long.”

“A hot babe?” Larry furrows his eyebrows.

I rush into the scene and drape an arm around Larry’s beefy shoulders, leading him to our table and away from Xander. “Boy hasn’t left the closet.”

“Still?” Larry exclaims in shock.

Shrugging, I take a fleeting look at Sandy now showing Xander the brand of his knife. “So, got yourself a new bo?”

“Yeah.” Larry gazes at the boy as well. “Does it make you jealous?”

I twirl towards him. “What?”

“Tellus,” he modifies. “A Roman goddess. Pete reminds me of… her,” the last word comes out in a painful groan.

I give an understanding head tilt. “He does have a mother Earth quality to him.”

“Okay, then, I’ll just… leave.” Ducking his head in embarrassment, he tries to escape towards his boy.

“Larry,” I call after the poor lad. Of all the people I messed with, he had it worst, and he’s not half bad. “I’m glad to see you happy.”

He gives a broad grin. “Thanks.” His grin softens and his eyes glint in sincerity. “Hope Xander gets the stick out of his ass and realize he’s missing out on something special.”

I have no response to that. Just glance at the numpty in question; an ear to ear beam and spouting some geeky tosh to Larry’s interested boyfriend. It does put a smile on my lips. Face it, Spike, you like the git, warts and all.


Part 19

Date: 2016-07-05 05:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yeag Spike! Admit it.
Thanks for this great new chapter.

Date: 2016-07-05 09:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you! I posted the next chapter: Part 19. :)

Date: 2016-07-09 08:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yes, Xander get that stick out of your ass and realize you're
missing out on something special!!!

Date: 2016-07-14 04:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
He is! Thank you for the comment. Part 19 is posted and I will post Part 20 soon.


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September 2016


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