lusciousxander: (grabby hands by Moscow_Watcher)
[personal profile] lusciousxander
Fic: Teenage Dirtbag
Author: [ profile] lusciousxander
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: PG 13
Setting: Starts during Lover’s Walk, S3. Spike's POV throughout.
Summary: Halfrek gives Spike the curse that will change his entire life.
Note: This fic is written for the Reviving Spander Ficathon.

Super thanks to [ profile] devo79 for being my awesome beta.

Previous Chapters

Part 16:

Made by Tickyboxes

Heavy silence falls upon the empty classroom. Xander’s jaw line twitches as he considers what I just told him. Perched on the teacher’s chair, legs propped on the big desk, his carefree defiance deserts him. His gaze flickers to the white blinds covering the windows, relaxing slightly that our conversation is concealed and buried in the dark room. I watch the light streaming from the blinds, split in half and landing on the floor, while impatiently waiting for Xander to respond.

I found him earlier sitting at the fountain with Willow. She was clearly trying to fish out all the details of what happened last night. If he knew I told her about my suspicions, he would assume it was after I promised him never to tell anyone. He barely trusts me as it is, no point in driving him away even further.

“So let me get this straight,” he finally speaks, venom soaked in every word, “You and your father decided I’m some charity case that you need to rescue, is that right?”


He rolls his eyes and drops his legs to the floor. “Thanks, but I’m good.” He passes me to the door, turning around to toss a forced reassuring smile. “I won’t do it again.”

“Easier said than done.” I observe his hand tensing on the doorknob. I walk over towards him, gently removing his hand and pressing myself against the door to block his exit. “I’m not going to pretend I understand this. I’ve never been in your shoes before. But I’ll do whatever it takes so you won’t end up dead.”

He stares at me. Confusion written all over his face, trying to make sense of all of this. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you care?” He starts back to the teacher’s desk, not looking at me. “You made it perfectly clear that I’m scum, not worth your time.”

His hands clutch the desk in a white-knuckled grip. Shoulders tense, he looks like he’s waiting for a new blow.

“I don’t want you dead, Xander,” I whisper.

His head hangs, but he doesn’t move. My eyes drift to the whitewashed walls, realizing that Mr. Wallace’s classroom is as dull as he is.

Xander turns around, relenting in defeat. “I guess, it won’t be so bad.” He points a finger. “As long as Giles is cooking.”

“Oh, he’s definitely cooking.”

He pushes himself up and sits on the desk, his lanky legs dangling motionlessly.

In an attempt to avert yet another moment of awkward silence, I inch forward and ask, “So, what are we going to tell your parents?”

He gives a careless shrug, legs starting to swing back and forth. “Sleepover?”

“It’s not,” I object firmly. “Not just for one night.”

“Will, this isn’t the first time I stayed at your house for a long time. Remember when I spent the entire summer with you guys?” His legs freeze in place; a dubious frown takes over his face. “William, if you’re doing this to pay me back…”

“What are you waffling about?”

“You know, for playing nurse last summer. After the whole Angel kidnap-torture thing.” There was a long poem in William’s notebook about the sacrifices and generosity of heroic Alexander Harris who nursed him and his father back to health after Angel did a number on both of them.

I tilt my head, finally having him where I want him. “And why did you do that?”

He arches his eyebrows. “Doesn’t need an answer.”

“And neither does this.”

His stressed face dissolves into a reluctant smile. The smile grows more reluctant until it disappears into a frown. “What are we going to tell Willow and Buffy?”

Willow already has an idea about what’s going on, and if he knows this, he’ll throw a wobbler. “We all know about your rat arsed folks…”

He nods, not happy with this answer, but clearly it’s better than telling the truth. I head back to the door, better piss off now before he gets stroppy.

“So, we’ll swing by your house on the way home and get your things.” I open the door, welcoming the flooding light and the noise of wandering pupils that emerge in. “Better clear off. Math test is a period away.”

Xander whistles, slipping to the floor. “I’m gonna blow that one. Math is the equivalent of a
foreign language when it comes to me.”

“Why didn’t you ask Willow to help you out?” We trudge through the crowded hall. Kids are scurrying about and chatting among each other.

“Willow and I don’t study together anymore.” He’s looking straight ahead, the muscles in his face limp and motionless.

“Because of Oz?”

“No, don’t you remember? You and Willow putting dibs on which idiot to tutor. Buffy got Willow and I got you.” The bittersweet grin doesn’t hide the pain in his eyes. “And the Oz thing, too.”

He explained it all last night. The loneliness is nothing but the consequences of him cocking everything up. He brought it all on himself. He knows it, everybody does, but the lad has suffered enough. He’s… he’s not that bad.


“You’re gonna abide at the Giles residence?” Buffy pops a black olive into her mouth, then spits out the seed. “I hear it’s extra bookwormy this time of year.”

We tell the girls about it during lunch. Buffy, still on her healthy diet, accepts the news with ease and quips of humor. Willow, though, hasn’t touched her food and is too busy looking fagged.

“Yeah, that’s what I need during examination season.” Xander grimaces down at the green goo he picked up from the cafeteria bar, instantly regretting choosing to try this rubbish. He smiles sheepishly at Buffy. “It’s getting too noisy at home.”

She nods sympathetically. “I hear ya. I think it’s nice of Giles to do that.”

“Hey, I bring some action into their dull lives. It’s me doing them a favor.”

Willow indicates with her head at the door for a sidebar. Should clear things up with her before she rabbits on to Xander.

Outside the cafeteria, she crosses her arms with a cheesed off glare that doesn’t match her fluffy pink sweater. “What’s wrong with Xander?”

“You heard him.” I lean back against the lockers behind me and notice her face reddening at my answer.

“Tell me the truth, or it’s you versus my resolve face.” She steps up to me, her green eyes blazing with a challenging threat.

I stare up at the ceiling and sigh. No use of hiding it, she’s going to drag the truth out eventually. “I promised him not to tell anyone.”

Lower lip flutters in shock. “So, it’s true. He’s…”

“Don’t tell him I told you. He’s already upset I told Rupert,” I interrupt her, glancing inside the cafeteria at Xander and Buffy chatting away, unaware.

“Why won’t he tell me?” Her voice cracks with pain and frustration. “He never talks to me anymore. First Faith and now this? We used to tell each other everything.”

“And then you stopped,” I say pointedly. The girl did tell Xander that she needed a time out to focus on Wolf Boy, so she doesn’t get to act mad and shocked ‘cause the boy followed through.

She takes a step back looking like she was just slapped. “Well, that’s…”

The cafeteria doors swing open, a boy slips out, eying them with mild interest while treading off.

With a head tilt, I catch Willow’s wounded gaze with an understanding one. “He didn’t tell me either, remember? I found out on my own,” my voice low and calm, and she makes a wobbling sound.

“What matters is that he gets better, eh?” I push gently, watching her drawing a long shaky breath.

“I know. It still hurts.”

I glance back at the inside of the cafeteria, eyes and ears on red alert in case Xander shows up. It was too difficult for the boy to agree to move in. If he catches me talking about him with Willow, he’ll bite my arm off. “Just don’t throw a spanner in the works. You won’t like my resolve face.”

She touches my arm, her voice sad and pleading, “I wanna help.”

“Maybe ask him if he needs help studying now and then.” With a little shrug, I start heading for the cafeteria door. The rest of my lunch is probably too cold to eat now.


I sigh and turn around.

“Can you keep me posted on, you know, everything?”

I give her the nod of a gentleman. Her lips curl up into a sad, accepting smile.


Rupert starts the engine and the Citroen roars like an old dog after a bone. I glance at Xander through the rearview mirror, looking uncomfortable and out of place.

“Do you want me to speak with your mother, Xander?” Rupert asks, ripping through the silence before it settles around the car.

“No, it’s better I do it.” Xander squirms in his seat, you’d think he’s sitting on a bed of hot ambers. “She’ll get… she won’t like it if you did it.”

Rupert doesn’t respond, swerving out of the school parking lot and to the main road. Xander falls slightly to the left, then composes himself, legs glued to each other and hands clasping restlessly.

“Giles, uh, thanks.”

“No thanks necessary. I already pulled out the Xander mattress. We haven’t used it for a while.”

“Must have been a relief,” Xander says with a nervous laugh.

“It’s been quiet, rather dull, hasn’t it, William?” Rupert winks at me.

“It sure has.” I wink back and then smirk at Xander through the rearview mirror. His face is the color of Willow’s hair.


Part 17
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September 2016


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